Author: Chris Fielden

Chris is Operations Director at Strategy Towers and oversees many of our client’s creative projects. He has had humorous short stories published through various competitions and magazines both on and offline, hence some of his blog posts are of a fictional nature.

Google Fails: Exterminate Part 4

Google Human Fail - Banana As a Weapn - Chris Fielden 26.04.13

I have conducted 3 experiments to date, investigating the marvellous (and often frightening) world of people’s search engine habits. They often result in amusing (scary) Google fails. You can see them here:

I thought my work was done. I’d proved that the Daleks were right in trying to exterminate humanity. Surely things couldn’t get any worse…

I was wrong. Extremely wrong. It’s not just the Daleks we should be worried about. If there are any intelligent lifeforms out there and they find us and study our use of technology – particularly the internet – they will all come to the same conclusion, no matter what the temperament their species might have: humans should not be allowed to survive. Continue Reading

IoII Turn Off the Internet

On bank holiday Monday, April the 1st 2013, IoII (the Institute of Internet Innovation, a recently formed governing body responsible for internet security) plan to undertake a major update of their servers. The installation – a huge bank of Quadruplex iPillion Dualclops e671 Cumulonimbus Servers – is expected to bring unprecedented technological advances in data security and search functionality. Continue Reading

Oleg Og Part 3

Here follows the final part of the tale of Oleg Og. But what strange twists might occur at the end? And how might I weave fudge into the story?

“Why would this idiot want to weave fudge into the plot?” I hear you cry.

Well, rather stupidly, I set myself this ridiculous task as a challenge while writing Part 2. Actually, if you want to make sense of anything that follows, you will need to read the preceding instalments:

And so, here’s the finale to the Oleg Og trilogy… Continue Reading

The Value of Evergreen Content Marketing

Seeing the term ‘SEO’ hanging out alongside the words ‘budget review’ on a Board Meeting Agenda can be more terrifying for a CEO than a high court injunction. SEO can be one of those often unquantifiable black holes that seem to suck budgets into a vortex of cash munching mayhem (if this is the case then you obviously aren’t one of our customers. Yet…).

Eek!

The resulting palpitations means a visit to Cardiac Monitors R Us, and that doesn’t fit into your schedule. So what do you do? Continue Reading

Exterminate 3: Bing vs Google

There have been many experiments conducted to find the daddy of all search engines. To date, despite Microsoft’s best efforts, Google have always won. They currently command around 91% of the marketplace. Bing has around 3%, Yahoo has another 3% and everyone else fights over tiny proportions of the remaining 3%. You can find out more about these riveting statistics here. Continue Reading

Exterminate! Part 2 – The Wonderful World of Strange Google Searches

Crazy Mural - Google Searches - Chris Fielden 29.11.12

Following on from the disturbing search-engine-usage investigation that was Exterminate! Part 1, I present further proof that mankind is doomed. Sadly, this is no exaggeration – my Doom Siren^TM is not stuck on max. This is a statement of fact.

While performing my research, I found the the funny Google searches people perform on a regular basis amusing at first glance. They made me chuckle, giggle, laugh and, on occasion, tested my bladder control.

But hindsight has made me weep with hopelessness. The people who make these searches are human. They breathe the same air as you and I. They belong to our species. Not only that, they make up the majority of our population.

“No,” you cry, “no, that’s not possible.”

It is, ladies and gents, it most certainly is. If they didn’t the searches below would not be presented by Google for everyone to see. Google tries to be useful. It shows us the things people search for THE MOST. Continue Reading

Oleg Og Part 2

Hey verily and nay, here doth appear the secondly spun webbing of ‘Oleg Og – Cyber Spider’, a tale of tragedy and fudge.

‘Fudge?’ you cry, ‘I have heard no previous mention of fudge!’

Yes, FUDGE; although the sugary subplot is unlikely to make an appearance until the final moments. Damn it, I’m making this hard to write. Now I need to devise a believable plot including delicious condiments… I accept my own stupid challenge!

For those of you who missed Part 1, you can read it here.

Oleg Og – Cyber Spider

LinkedIn company pages get a revamp

It has always struck me as strange that LinkedIn, which was created as a business to business social network specifically designed for networking, had such appalling company pages.

Whilst social networks primarily targeting those people wanting to chat with their friends have pretty good company pages and attract the social media managers of varying companies, LinkedIn started to attract the recruiters and becoming more of a job board, which is disappointing when it has so much more potential.

It appears that LinkedIn have finally realised the error of their ways and are in the process of launching their new and improved company pages. Continue Reading

SEO Funny Fridays: Oleg Og Part 1

Image Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/araswami/

Hilarity and joy, festooned with SEO fun and frivolity. Hmm, I may have scuppered myself somewhat during a moment of overselling there, but here’s my mission statement:

On the final Friday of each month I shall attempt to bring a smile to the faces of everyone on planet Earth (not learning from the opening sentence, am I?), even those who have been Pandenguined, accidentally deleted their Googlebase feed, or spilt coffee on their keyboard, short circuiting the delete key while logged into their FTP software at the same time as accidentally knocking their backup drive out of a 50th storey window. Continue Reading