Category: Uncategorized

I have conducted 3 experiments to date, investigating the marvellous (and often frightening) world of people’s search engine habits. They often result in amusing (scary) Google fails. You can see them here:

• Exterminate 1
• Exterminate 2
• Exterminate 3

I thought my work was done. I’d proved that the Daleks were right in trying to exterminate humanity. Surely things couldn’t get any worse…

I was wrong. Extremely wrong. It’s not just the Daleks we should be worried about. If there are any intelligent lifeforms out there and they find us and study our use of technology – particularly the internet – they will all come to the same conclusion, no matter what the temperament their species might have: humans should not be allowed to survive. Continue Reading

The internet really is the biggest diary in the world.

Almost everything you’ve ever created – whether that’s a status update, a comment, a witty tweet, a snarky message, a funny picture or a superbly well written and researched blog post – could be saved indefinitely worldwide.

But is this global scrapbook really the way to go? Or should people have the right to forget and move on? Continue Reading

It was all a joke. IoII didn’t turn the internet off today for four hours so that they could install a new bank of Quadruplex iPillio Dualclops e671 Cumulonimbus Servers. We got you good and proper.

Now, with your face beginning to turn crimson with embarrassment, you need to start thinking about what you are going to tell your family after you spent all day yesterday convincing them to forsake Facebook, chocolate and the obligatory showing of Citizen Kane for a cold 24 hours in the bunker.

But at least you can be safe in the knowledge that you are not the only person that has been caught out today. Continue Reading

On bank holiday Monday, April the 1st 2013, IoII (the Institute of Internet Innovation, a recently formed governing body responsible for internet security) plan to undertake a major update of their servers. The installation – a huge bank of Quadruplex iPillion Dualclops e671 Cumulonimbus Servers – is expected to bring unprecedented technological advances in data security and search functionality. Continue Reading

Here follows the final part of the tale of Oleg Og. But what strange twists might occur at the end? And how might I weave fudge into the story?

“Why would this idiot want to weave fudge into the plot?” I hear you cry.

Well, rather stupidly, I set myself this ridiculous task as a challenge while writing Part 2. Actually, if you want to make sense of anything that follows, you will need to read the preceding instalments:

• Oleg Og Part 1 – The Cyber Spider Rides Free
• Oleg Og Part 2 – Carl Bronson, Security Ninja

And so, here’s the finale to the Oleg Og trilogy… Continue Reading

On February 20th 2013 Google released a new video of their highly coveted project, Google Glass. The two-minute long showcase features a great deal of smiley, happy people showing off the functions of the hardware, but will it really be all it’s cracked up to be? Continue Reading

There have been many experiments conducted to find the daddy of all search engines. To date, despite Microsoft’s best efforts, Google have always won. They currently command around 91% of the marketplace. Bing has around 3%, Yahoo has another 3% and everyone else fights over tiny proportions of the remaining 3%. You can find out more about these riveting statistics here. Continue Reading

Following on from the disturbing search-engine-usage investigation that was Exterminate! Part 1, I present further proof that mankind is doomed. Sadly, this is no exaggeration – my Doom Siren^TM is not stuck on max. This is a statement of fact.

While performing my research, I found the the funny Google searches people perform on a regular basis amusing at first glance. They made me chuckle, giggle, laugh and, on occasion, tested my bladder control.

But hindsight has made me weep with hopelessness. The people who make these searches are human. They breathe the same air as you and I. They belong to our species. Not only that, they make up the majority of our population.

“No,” you cry, “no, that’s not possible.”

It is, ladies and gents, it most certainly is. If they didn’t  the searches below would not be presented by Google for everyone to see. Google tries to be useful. It shows us the things people search for THE MOST. Continue Reading